Body Language: something most people pay little or no attention to. Using signs in the right way can be used to influence others and gain authority. If you have bad sign language habits, you can come across as a person with low self-confidence, perceived as lazy and weak, something that a potential partner or boss pays attention to. In this video, we will review the book "The Definitive Book of Body Language" by Alan and Barbara Pease. This book will help you gain more insight into communicating with others and make meeting new people an exciting experience.

Lesson number one: understanding the basics. According to the authors of this book, women are much more perceptive than most men. This means that they are able to notice contradictions between someone's words and their language cues. Women pay very careful attention to small details. That's why most men get caught lying to their wives. Psychologists from Harvard University conducted a study that showed that women pay more attention to language signs than men. Participants were asked to watch a short video of a conversation between a man and a woman. Participants were asked to decode what was happening by reading their expressions. Women scored 87 percent correctly, and men scored 42 percent correctly. This is also true for mothers, as they rely on the non-verbal signals of their little ones in their first years. Most women have the ability to out-communicate any man on the planet. MRI scans show that women have 14 to 16 brain areas for evaluating the behavior of others compared to men who have 4 to 6 brain areas. This explains why women say men talk little and men say women never stop talking. The female brain is organized for multiple tracking. The average woman can talk on the phone, watch her favorite TV show, listen to another conversation and drink a cup of coffee all at the same time. If you pay attention to the prophets, most of them are women. They are said to have the power to see a person's future. Research into fortune-telling shows that they use a technique called cold reading, which has an accuracy of almost 80 percent when reading a person you've just met. This is achieved by carefully observing people's language cues.

If you want to better understand reading someone's language cues, here are three rules. First: read the gestures in groups. This means that when you are trying to read someone's language signs, you should know that each gesture is like a single word with different meanings. For example, the words nails. These words can mean a nail or a sharp metal part used in construction. Only when you apply your word in a sentence with other words can you understand what the word means. Gestures come in sentences called groups, which will reveal a person's attitude or feelings. A group of linguistic signs, just like a sentence, requires about three words in it before you can accurately define each of the words. Let's look at an example group. If someone crosses their arms and legs and their head and chin are turned down and their hand is holding their chin while listening to someone, it can mean that they are not impressed with what they are hearing. The first gesture in this group is to cross the arms and legs, which is a signal for defense. Another gesture here is the head and chin down signal, which reveals negativity or hostility. And the third gesture is the hand supporting the chin, which reveals boredom.

Second: look for congruence. When nonverbal cues and verbal cues are not congruent, people, especially women, rely on nonverbal messages and ignore verbal context. For example, let's say someone disagrees with you. Their language cues will match their verbal sentences. If the person agrees but their body disagrees, it will be incongruent.

Number three: read gestures in context. If the person across the street has their arms and legs tightly folded with their chin down while you're trying to sell them something, it means they're feeling negative or rejecting your offer. If the person has the same body language but they are outside in cold weather, it simply means that they are cold and not as defensive as the other person sitting across from you. Learn how to put things into context before you try to read someone's body language or your judgment will be poor.

Another way to become a better reader is to watch TV without the sound on and practice reading people's body language. You can also go to a public place and observe people's body language.

Lesson number two: the power is in your hands. If you want to appear sincere and friendly, show your palms when you speak. This will show that you are not armed and that you are not a threat. This happens unconsciously. A person tries to show their palms when they say things like "I didn't do it" to show that they are telling the truth. A man trying to lie to his wife will tend to hide his palms, which will create a rare feeling that says he is lying. On the other hand, women will try to act busy or talk about unrelated topics to avoid the topic when lying. Salespeople are taught to pay attention to the customer's palms while explaining why they can't buy their product. If their palms are open, they give a valid explanation. When their palms are closed, they usually lie. That being said, learning how to read someone's hands can become a valuable tool for spotting liars or hiring honest people. Also, simply by holding your palms open, you can pressure the other person to be honest as well.

There are three main palm command gestures you should know. Number one: palm-up position. This shows vulnerability and non-threat. Use this hand gesture when talking to people. Number two: palm down position. This shows instant authority, similar to the hand gesture used by Hitler. And number three: closed hand, finger pointing position. This causes negative feelings and can be translated into something like "Do it or you'll regret it". It is shown by people as irritating.

The authors of this book recommend that you shake hands with people who are happy to meet you. Do not initiate a handshake with a person who does not like you because a handshake is a sign of trust and welcome. So if you initiate a handshake with a person who is not happy to see you, you are forcing them to meet you. Instead, wait for them to initiate a handshake or use a small head nod as a greeting. Women who initiate handshakes in some places are perceived as more open-minded and make better first impressions.

There are three basic subconscious attitudes that are conveyed when you shake hands with someone you have just met. Number one: dominance. This can translate to something like "He's trying to dominate me, I have to be careful". This happens when the hand is turned slightly inward, palms facing down. It doesn't have to be completely face down, but if the person's hand is above yours, they are giving you a dominant handshake. If your hand is slightly up, the person may be trying to dominate you. This is usually done by managers, especially men. If someone often gives you this handshake, and that person may be trying to intimidate you on purpose, when they extend their hand, take the top of their hand and shake it. But keep in mind that this will surprise the person, so use it as a last resort.

Number two: susceptibility. This can be translated into "I can dominate this person, they will do what I want". Your palm usually faces up. This is effective when you want someone else to take control or to make the other person feel in control of the situation. For example, when you apologize.

Number three: equality. This can be translated into "I feel comfortable with this person". When two dominant people shake hands, a symbolic power struggle occurs as both try to turn their hands into submission. This creates a sense of equality and respect. These messages are sent without our being aware of it. To create a good relationship with someone, use these two steps: First, make sure that your hand and the other person's hand are in a vertical position so that there is no dominance or submission. And second, apply the same pressure they give you. For example, on a scale of one to ten, if they give you a five and you give them a seven, come down to their level. If they give you an eight and you're a four, level up. For women, it's a good idea to reach out as soon as possible to avoid awkward handshakes with men.

Lesson number three: the magic of smiling and laughing. A French scientist in the 19th century conducted the first research on the topic of smiling. He followed the heads of people executed by the guillotine to study how the facial muscles worked. He discovered two muscles that control smiling. The zygomaticus major muscles that run down the side of the face and connect to the corners of the mouth, pulling the mouth back to show the teeth, and another muscle called the orbicularis oculi that pulls the eyes back and causes the eyes to narrow and wrinkles to form around the eyes when we smile. The zygomaticus major muscles can be controlled and are used in fake smiles. The orbicularis oculi act independently and show a true smile. If you want to know if the smile is genuine, check the wrinkles around the eyes. People who lie only smile with their mouths. When we smile at someone, that person usually smiles back. It happens automatically. A professor named Ruth Campbell from the University of London believes that we have mirror neurons in our brains that are responsible for recognizing faces and expressions. He says that we tend to copy other people's facial expressions without even realizing it. That's why you should often smile at people, so that they have a positive attitude towards you. On the other hand, if someone never smiles and the corners of their mouth turn down, it usually indicates that they have harbored negative emotions throughout their lives. If it is maintained that way, the corners of the mouth will stay that way forever, giving the bulldog look. Studies show that people tend to distance themselves from these individuals, make less eye contact, and avoid them when approached. So, if you are like that, you should practice smiling more often. Otherwise, people will run away from you. That's not a good thing when you're trying to socialize. Also, men were seen as more attractive to women if they could make them laugh or make other people laugh. This is because the ability to make others laugh is considered dominant and women prefer someone who is dominant. Practice smiling often. It will create a more positive atmosphere for the people around you.

Number four: hand signals. When someone has a negative or defensive attitude, the other person is likely to cross their arms over their chest, indicating that they feel threatened. This is because as children we learned to hide behind something to protect ourselves. We hid behind our mothers or the table when we felt threatened. As we grow up, we learn that hiding behind things is not acceptable, so we start using our hands to protect ourselves. Crossed arms are meant to put a barrier between you and that person you don't like. People who use the crossed arms gesture seem uncertain or hesitant. People usually say they use this gesture because it makes them feel comfortable, but remember that when you use your body in a certain way, you are signaling to others without even realizing it. Others will react negatively to your gesture. Practice not crossing your arms in public places. It will make you more approachable. Salespeople were taught to pay attention to those who crossed their arms. When they notice someone using this gesture, they must find a way to keep their hands free by giving them something to hold such as a book, pencil, pattern, etc. This will make the other person lean forward, which is a gesture of interest. You can also practice the power of touch by touching someone's elbow or hand. That's fine because it's considered a public space and away from private parts. But be careful not to do this to everyone because in other countries it is not acceptable. A light touch of the elbow or hand for three seconds can create an instant connection with someone. If someone looks at your hand when you do this, don't repeat the action. It shows that they don't trust you. A touch of the elbow or hand, when done discreetly, attracts attention, validates a comment, increases influence with others, makes people remember you, and creates a positive impression.

Here is a quick overview of this book that will help you become at least 1% better. Although some writing errors are possible due to translation or other factors, I believe the gist is conveyed in an understandable manner.