What is the most effective psychological trick you use?

Story One: One trick I picked up from a friend: when he was trying to pick out dinner with his girlfriend, instead of asking "What do you want?" and gets the typical "I don't know, whatever" response, and then has suggestions rejected, he would start with "What don't you want?" I've used it a few times in some of my relationships, and it's a life-saving question.

Story two: I work at the front desk in a medical office. Patients hate updating their paperwork. Before I would say, "Look over the pages and make any changes," they would sigh and reluctantly take the papers or just complain about it. Now I say, "All you have to do is make the changes." Saying it that way makes them think it's not much work, and they take the form without complaint. It's the little things that make life easier in my office.

Story Three: How to calm an extremely agitated patient with mental problems who is either unknown or prone to violence. While it works for most people, if they are a level 10, you are coming in at a level 7. Being completely calm, aloof, and polite just pisses people off more, because you obviously don't understand the seriousness of the situation. If they are shouting and clamoring, you must come in loudly but not attack them, but agree with them up to a certain point. "Whoah, what's going on here? I understand why you're angry, I would be angry too. Yes, this is a really [ __ ] situation is really bad. Look, I understand, I would be angry too. But yelling won't accomplish anything, no matter how angry they were. I'm with you, I'd be just as angry, no doubt. This is irritating, but these are our options." By agreeing with their anger, they are more open to listening to you. Then use words to describe their feelings, starting with ten, angry, and gradually working down those descriptive words and your tone to two, irritated. It works almost every time, but there can be a few ups and downs in the middle, just follow the lead of the person always coming a level below them.

Story Four: Greet everyone you know with a smile. Often times, people who have known each other since grade school or just the end of their youth give an awkward smile instead of a happy "Good day." Imagine if someone bumped into you twice a year and both times you smiled and greeted them enthusiastically, they would think you were a friendly person. So little effort for someone to consider you friendly.

Story Five: This isn't something I've used, but I think it's worth sharing. Darren Brown once said he was a muscular drunk guy who wanted to beat him up and said the classic "What are you looking at?" Darren replied with "The wall in front of my house is four meters high." The idea is to put the irritated person on the defensive and get them out of that adrenaline-fuelled state. Anyway, he sat down and the guy started crying to him about his girlfriend. He's Aaron Brown, so I wouldn't recommend this to everyone.

Story Six: Think about your future self. How will my future self feel in an hour or two if I skip a gym session? Will my future self be happy if I now wash this set of dishes before bed, or would he rather do it in the morning before work? I have a three month deadline for this project; will my future self appreciate that my current self is taking it easy for the first three or four weeks, or will he be really angry? Basically, delayed gratification. Almost all bad things give us instant gratification, while all good things have delayed gratification. I always try to remember that if I have to wait to reap the rewards, then it's probably the best option.

Story Seven: I don't know if this is a real thing or not, or maybe just a distraction, but when I do something irritating or annoying to my husband and he goes quiet, I wait a few minutes and then ask him an innocent question, usually about how certain parts of the car function or something mechanical. This gets him talking about the car and he talks nonstop for about five minutes, and then, boom, he's happy again and won't shut up. I'll never tell him I'm doing it because I'm afraid it won't work anymore if he finds out. Yet it is unfailing, it works every time, no matter how upset he is.

Story Eight: Listening to someone without giving advice or pushing for more information usually gets me more information than when I push for it. If you want to hear what someone has to say, just let them talk. If they stop, just wait; they will continue to speak and add to what they were saying to fill the silence. I used to do this a lot.

Story Nine: When someone shy is talking, if you look at them and nod, it encourages them to keep talking. I am hard of hearing; I've spent a lot of my life nodding to my family to show that I heard and understood, so they don't ask me the question "Did you hear that?" I do that at work, especially in meetings. I get a lot of attention from speakers because I seem to be the only person actively listening.

Story ten: I am a professional poker player. When I'm in a game with one other player, I often try to make them laugh when they're thinking about what to do. Getting them to laugh puts them in a frame of mind where they are less likely to bluff. I generally talk a lot; it is very common for me to joke around the table, even in my hands.

Story Eleven: Music. Putting on my headphones and playing music that I know I would want to hear if I was in the mood I want to be in, it puts me in that mental state and really helps when I need to calm down or feel happier. I feel like this is the audio version of dressing up for what you want. I put on my gym clothes even when I'm feeling sluggish because it will put me in the mood to exercise, or I put on my work clothes even if I'm working at home because I'll be more productive or professional on the phone than if I'm in my pajamas.

Story Twelve: My wife calls this the easiest, most manipulative thing I do. When I meet an acquaintance, meaning not a friend, just a person I know, of course I say hello, and the conversation goes like this: Me: "Hey, what's your name? You look good." Them: "Thanks, I'm fine, how about you?" Me: "Great! I go where I'm going at that moment," and tell them why. "So what are you doing here?" Them: (Going into detail to tell me where they are going and why) Me: "Okay, I won't keep you longer than necessary. Have a nice day." It leaves people feeling good, removes the awkwardness of interrupting the conversation, and makes them want to leave

Story Thirteen: If someone says they have hiccups, ask them to prove it. Nine times out of ten, their hiccups will go away. They have to induce a hiccup to demonstrate it, which will trick your diaphragm into simply not hiccuping. Even I have been able to apply it to myself with some success, but it takes practice. Realize you have a hiccup, then try actively hiccuping, trying to induce another one, it will stop.

Story Fourteen: If you need to calm someone down and get them to communicate, ask questions about numbers or personal information. I work in emergency services; if someone is completely upset and closed off, asking about their phone number, address, JMBG, date of birth can get them out of an emotional place and back into a space where they can more easily talk about what happened. I often ask these questions even after I have the information just to calm the situation down.

Story Fifteen: I work with a bunch of stupid lawyers, and I use the phrase "You're right" a lot. Even if it's a small thing where they're right, it makes them feel smart and they're instantly softened. It also keeps them listening as they hope to receive more praise. I speak at conferences all over the world, and many speakers use this in their Q&As. If it's a particularly difficult question to answer, they always start with "What a great question," etc. etc. Generally, the person asking the question is so pleased to have their question praised by the speaker in front of all these people that they are less critical and less attentive to the actual answer.

Story Sixteen: My youngest four fell into the "why" phase some time ago. I read an article that said the best way to get them to stop was to ask them the question, "I'm not sure, what do you think?" That is salvation; they answer their question, you provide feedback, "Sounds good to me," and they immediately move on to something else. Fantastic.

Story Seventeen: When I ask someone a question and their first response is "What," I just look at them for a few seconds and 99% of the time they answer my question without repeating it. I think it's just a subconscious reflex of people to ask "What" instead of answering what you asked them, even if they heard you clearly.

Story Eighteen: The Smile. Smile at the bartender; he will be more inclined to approach you more quickly. Smile at a colleague in the morning, and they'll be more open to a request you have later. Smile at the children, they will feel loved. Smile at your partner, and they'll wonder what they did to make them so happy. Smile at me, and I'll smile back, and we'll both feel great for a few minutes. Smile at everyone when you meet them. Smile at the job interview. Smile at the grocery store worker, the garbage man, the postal worker, the random dog walker in the park, the person who almost bumped into you on the street, the waiter, your teacher, your mom and dad. Smile at yourself in the mirror and wink at yourself.

That would be it, I hope these tips / experiences have been useful to you. Although some writing errors are possible due to translation or other factors, I believe the gist is conveyed in an understandable manner. Thanks for reading.